Friday, March 5, 2010
Yeah, I know you've heard about them, but have you ever actually been to a college sex party? Well, I have and I can tell you that they fucking rock. Now, nobody in college ever plans to have a sex party. It's not like these coed chicks just start going around asking people if they'd like to attend a party where they'll get laid. No, it's not like that at all. It's just that everybody in college knows that, particularly at frat parties, there's a 90% chance of sex at these collegiate shindigs, so if you choose to go, be ready to at least witness a good load of fucky fucky. It usually starts with music and lots of booze. Sooner or later, you're going to get some hot chicks who'll start kissing in the middle of a crowd just to get a reaction. Then the college guys will all start hooting and egging the horny coeds on, which will lead to said coeds dropping to their knees to suck cock.
When the other, more reserved, college girls at the party see this happening, they usually respond to the debauchery by acting outraged. Then, after a couple more beers, they're on their knees sucking dick too. After lots and lots of oral sex in front of God and the pledge master, couples and threesomes start to make their way upstairs for a little privacy, so they can bone in peace. At this point, you'll always find a few people who stay downstairs to fuck their brains out. They're either too shameless, or too drunk, to care. They just want to fuck and they don't really mind if Barney the Dinosaur watches. If you're lucky enough to get into one of these sex parties, you're going to find wall to wall ass everywhere. These college girls love sex. Dear God, I don't want to leave. Please don't make me leave!
I dated a college cheerleader last year (by dated, I mean I had sex with her frequently) who had a really great bubble butt of an ass that just drove me crazy. This girl was in great shape due to all that cheerleading, but that big juicy ass was something special about her that I've never been able to forget. What is it exactly about cheerleading that causes the girls butts to plump out like that, I asked myself. I turned to the great repository of knowledge and porn that is the internet to find the answer. It turns out that all that jumping the cheerleaders do pumps up the gluteal muscles that lay under the ass cheeks, and it's these muscles, together with the hamstrings, which create that bubbly booty effect that many of us love so much. The great thing about college, of course, is that I have a fairly endless supply of cheerleader bubble butts to examine at my leisure.
I've observed many things since I first stepped foot on the grounds of this prestigious university which I, thanks to the back-scratching of my devoted parents, currently attend. One of these things is that college girls are really quite easy to get into the sack these days. Hell, sometimes no sack is even required. These modern day coeds will suck your cock behind the library, take it in the ass on the first date, even swap your spooge with their best friend. Now, don't get me wrong here. I am definitely not complaining. It's just that the challenge that previous generations of male horndogs encountered while fishing for collegiate kitty is all but gone. The last college party I was at was loaded with hot coeds who were so horny, you could practically hear their pussies dripping on the floor. Now, what kind of difficulty level is that? Perhaps, one day, we will see a return to the days when a guy actually had to work at getting laid in college. Dates, roses, listening to her problems. Yeah, you know, on second thought, I like the way things are just fine.
Being that I've been a member of the big butt lover's club for many years now (since puberty, in fact), I've always appreciated girls with nice plump booties. At the college campus where I'm at, there are luckily quite a few big ass hotties roaming the hallowed halls. However, it has come to my attention that big butts have not always been in style, at least here in America (the land that I love). This disturbs me on a very profound level (yes, it's still possible to disturb me -- as of now). How can it be that big juicy asses could go unappreciated in the popular culture? My friends assure me that things have changed, that round bubble butts are now in vogue. I certainly hope that's true, because if I see another hot chick looking at herself in the mirror and asking "Do you think my butt's too big?", I think I will commit seppuku.
Okay, I have to say that I'm an assman. I really do appreciate the girls with the phat booty, and usually, the bigger and rounder, the better. However, when a girl's ass exceeds the size of the rest of her, my penis crosses the rubicon from erection to negative boner. I was at this frat party a few nights ago, and I saw this apparently hot college chick over in the kitchen of the house we were at. I could only see her from the waist up, because she was standing behind the counter. I said to myself "Self, that's a mighty fine looking piece of ass over there. Maybe you should approach the potential nookie fountain and attempt to lure in some college girl action."
I went on over to introduce myself. When I passed the counter and looked over, I saw one of the most ridiculously disproportionate female butts I've ever seen in my life. I mean, this thing was huge. I don't even know how that massive ass even came to be, because the rest of the girl was normal sized. It's like she ate the entire national supply of chicken McNuggets and all the calories went straight to her booty. Suffice it to say, I passed and moved on to some college cheerleader ass that was hanging around in the corner of the living room.